Monday, March 23, 2009
Now that everyone's favorite Red Sox is done with baseball (for now). I can only wonder at what Curt is going to do with all of his free time. All that talent will be used, but for what? Here is a short list of things he should attempt in his future:
10.) Mall Cop- Everyone knows that the position of mall cop is on the rise. Not only is this position a good way for Curt to let off some steam; there is nothing that Curt loves more than a stern verbal (possibly physical) warning to the hoodlums who roam his consumer kingdom.
9.) Heinz Spokesperson- Now we all know that Curt is a strong supporter of Heinz. I am thinking of a full ad campaign, naked, or as close to naked as National TV can go. I am thinking the Dove Women ad but with Curt, horizontal. Will it be sell ketchup? Hell Yes.
8.) Karl Rove Apprentice- We all know that Curt is an unabashed right winger and supporter of the Republican Party, so who better to learn from than Karl Rove? And if Curt and Karl don't get along, I'm sure the Fox News team has a spot waiting for him.
7.) Border Patrol Vigilante- Anything with Vigilante in the title appeals to Curt's selective skill set, but Border Patrol jumps out because of the perks. No rules, so abuse is no problem. Curt can harass minorities with virtually no regulation, and you get a sweet badge. Also the thrill for working for your country and giving jobs back to blue collar Americans!
6.) Disgruntled Postal Service Employee- One of the requirements for working at the Post Office is to have something long shoved up your ass, Curt has this and more. This will also give Curt control over everyone's mail, the Newman complex.
5.) NY Post Headline Writer- This is a dream job, but takes true skill, not just anyone can come up with gems such as A-HOLE. Just think of the headlines, if this is his choice I will be signing up for a lifetime subscription.
4.) Commissioner of Baseball- Curt has a lot of opinions, and should know a little something about baseball after twenty years in the bigs. As Bud Selig approaches his mid-hundreds, who better to succeed him? Curt will lead the crusade against steroids (which he surely never used as a member of the Phillies in the early 1990's), and govern MLB with an iron fist.
3.) Professional Eater - Curt has never been a svelte man, so why not take it a step further? Given his ever-increasing weight over the last few years and the competitive spirit that comes with being a World Champion, Curt could be a real threat to Joey Chestnut's crown.
2.) Satan - The Prince of Darkness, what characteristic doesn't Schilling possess?
1.) Sports Broadcaster- Few people love to hear themselves talk more than Curtis Montague Schilling, and who wouldn't love to hear Curt explain why Josh Becket is the epitome of athleticism and A-Rod will never win a championship? I can only imagine the possibilities of a World Series booth containing Joe Buck, Tim McCarver, and Curt himself.
Coincedence? I think not.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Friday, February 8, 2008
- Brian McNamee now claims to have injected Roger Clemens' wife, Debbie, with HGH in preparation for a SI photo shoot. This guy just keeps on building up that credibility.
- Its looking like Chien-Ming Wang and the Yankees will be going to arbitration.
- The Erik Bedard deal is finally done. Baltimore recieved Adam Jones, George Sherrill, Chris Tillman and two others.
- Curt Schilling's doctor says surgery is the only way to save his career.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
The Boston Herald reports that everyone's favorite douchebag Curt Schilling may have a serious shoulder injury, possibly as serious as a torn labrum or rotator cuff. If the injury requires surgery, Schilling will likely miss the 2008 season. He recently signed a one-year contract, and had a physical before signing it, and no injuries were found then. I know that you should never be happy about someone else being injured, but in this case, I can't help it. Schilling may lose his 2008 contract, and aside from how much this would hurt the Red Sox rotation, Curt Schilling is an asshole, so I guess this is just karma.
Monday, January 28, 2008
In Clemens' last four years in Boston (1993-96), when he allegedly declined, he really was not that bad. Actually, in two of those years he was downright good. In 1993, he had a 4.46 ERA (104 ERA+). This was his worst of those four years, but there is a logical explanation. In the two years previous to that one, he pitched 271.1 and 246.2 innings respectively. This down year could have been due to fatigue. Another possibility is bad luck. FIP (Fielding Independent Pitching) takes the luck out of ERA, and his 1993 FIP was 3.90- not bad at all.
The next year, '94, Rocket posted a 2.85 ERA (177 ERA+ 3.69 FIP). Not a down year.
In 1995, Clemens posted a 4.18 ERA (116 ERA+ 4.29 FIP). Not a very good year, but Clemens made just 23 starts due to injury.
In 1996, Clemens had a good year again, with a 3.63 ERA (139 ERA+ 3.46 FIP). So his last four years in Boston were not bad years at all, though maybe not as good as earlier in his career, but that can be expected of someone who threw so many innings at young age.
It's true that in 1997 and 1998 Clemens was legitimately great in Toronto. He was not overly lucky, he was just dominant. Then his next two years in New York were not great, possibly because of the 499.2 IP in his two years in Toronto. Pitchers generally are not consistent year to year, which is probably a better explanation for Clemens' Boston-Toronto transition than steroids or other PEDs. There is still the issue of his longevity and of Andy Pettitte's admission, but the numbers do not incriminate him. That is not to say that he is not guilty, though.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
The First Image
"And The Hills Were Alive With The Sound of YOULKILIS"
To Next Pic
What A JACKASS
(click on it to get a closer look)
What a Jerk
(these pics are all made by me use them as you please)
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Curt Schilling has an opinion on basically everything, and is not at all afraid to share them. It just so happens that I tend to disagree with all of them. Today, when nobody in particular asked him his opinion on Roger Clemens he had this to say:
If that is the case with Roger, the four Cy Youngs should go to the rightful winners, and the numbers should go away if he cannot refute the accusations.
First of all, who asked you Curt? Second of all, why? 1. There is no hard evidence condemning Clemens of steroid use 2. Was he not pitching against steroid users? 3. How do you know the runner-ups (Curt's "rightful winners") were not also steroid users? Because they weren't named by an alcoholic desperate to say out of jail? 4. Taking away the awards would just be wrong. You can't change history. Slavery happened, the holocaust happened, steroids happened. You can't change the past just because you don't like it.
To comment on this without any hard evidence and after Clemens denied it just shows Curt's excellence in the field of douchebaggary. Also, I am a firm believer that Curt Schilling is a steroid user, but that's another story.
Also, found this article by Mike Lupica. Basically, he is saying that if Clemens really didn't take steroids, he should tell his story to Congress. Does Mike Lupica think about what he is saying or does he just write and hope for the best? Don't you think Congress might have more important things to deal with, Mikey? Like, I don't know, the war, the general disapproval of our government, lead-ridden Chinese toys, a lying attorney general, Larry Craig, Iran, etc., etc., etc. No, actually, I see your point Mike. All of those things pale in comparison to Roger Clemens' alleged steroid use.